Cici Tsumis

Chapter 11

WARNING: THIS CHAPTER HAD SERIOUS THEMES.

A few days later…

“Something in this cabin is making me sick.” I breathed heavily as I kneeled onto the wooden floor. I tried not to look at the bile that was once lunch in front of me.

Garreth was on the floor next to me. He kept rubbing my back with one hand as he handed me a cup with the other. “Here, drink some water.”

I breathed out slowly and reached for the cup with both of my hands shakily. The water was refreshing and gave me some sort of relief.

“Bianca…” He hesitated, his emerald eyes warily stared at me before looking away, “I think you should see a healer…you might be on the family way-“

PHOO! ACK! COUGH! COUGH! The water splattered out of my mouth and onto the hard floor.

 I tried to breathe properly as I processed what he said. “WHAT?” I exclaimed while staring wide eyed at him.

---

He took me to a healer down by the caverns. He introduced me as his wife. She cheerfully congratulated me for I was almost 3 months pregnant. Buzzing entered my ear. I felt nothing. I heard nothing.  I was sitting on the cot when Garreth spoke to the healer outside of the bedroom door. More buzzing sounds. I can see from my peripheral vision, Garreth asking many questions to the healer. His voice was deep baritone while the voice of the healer was soft spoken and light. The buzzing sound in my ear lasted until I realized that Garreth was asking me if I wanted dinner.

I was home. I was in my bedroom.  The soft lilac quilt was on my lap. The sun was setting. Creating a beautiful hue on the grass and trees outside.

It was sickening.

I looked at the bowl of soup being offered to me on a tray. I immediately grabbed the bowl and chugged it against the wall.

Garreth sighed and went to clean up the mess. He handed me a towel to clean myself. He left me alone. But tried to urge me to eat about an hour later. He offered a piece of fruit or a slice of bread.

I denied each one. And hid under the covers.  

In the morning, I woke up to him knocking softly at the door before entering. He once again tried to offer me a piece of fruit or a slice of bread.

I hid under the covers again, turning away from him. He sighed and left the room. I shut my eyes and forced myself to sleep, ignoring my growling stomach.

Three hours later, I awoke to him pleading on his knees at my bedside. He wanted me to eat something or anything. He seemed frantic for some reason.

He was overreacting. I’ve survived without food for about a week before. It was not serious.

I managed to ignore him until dinner time.

He was sitting on my bedside. A bit too close for comfort.

I wanted him to go away. All I wanted was to sleep. I wanted to sleep so badly. I would have told him so but I was afraid that the bubble would burst and I’d be in the real world. I didn’t want to speak. I didn’t want to leave my protective bubble yet. So, I indulged him with a bite or two of fruit. Anything to get him to leave me alone.

He seemed relieved and came back an hour later to give me more fruit.

This became somewhat of a routine until day 6 and I finally spoke.

“I don’t want this child.”

He froze mid bite of his dish before swallowing.  I was standing in the kitchen for the first time ever since we got home days ago.

He was sitting at the round table for breakfast.

He stayed silent for a few seconds before nodding. “Ok…we can find another family for the child…”

I wasn’t aware of the tension in my body until I physically sagged with relief.

“Maybe we can use this opportunity to say you died in giving birth and the child was the only one who lived.”

I furrowed my eyebrows at that. Oh. That sounded like a great idea…but “Would that bastard believe that?”

He paused. “I’ll make sure he does.” He said sharply, his eyes determined before continuing eating his dish.

I shrugged. I didn’t care. I just wanted to go back home and never see the king or child again. I just wanted to go back home and forget all this happened.

---

One week later

He was attentive. He shadowed me almost all day. Every time to make sure I was comfortable and to attend to my needs.

It made sense to others that he was my husband. That he was the father of my child.

I stared at him as he was cooking lunch. I was sitting at the round table, eating a piece of fruit.

“Whoever you marry, would be fortunate to have you as a husband.”

Clang!

Garreth had stumbled and dropped certain items onto the floor.

I raised an eyebrow at that. He is never clumsy.

He picked up what fell which apparently was a pot and a can of spices and herbs.

“Wwhat makes you say that?”

I finished my fruit before answering. “Well, I didn’t realize until we met that couple down by the river. That lady made me realize that you are quote: ‘an attentive and caring husband that I’m blessed to have’.”

The river was not far. We walked there the other day to get some fresh air and exercise. We were careful to avoid confrontations with people. But we managed to run into an elderly harmless couple who were quite taken with us.

Garreth didn’t turn around. He continued cutting the vegetables on the cutting board. “Hm.. I see.”

A few seconds of silence before a thought came to me. “Are you engaged?”

On that question, he flinched and turned around. “What?!” His green eyes widened and there was a reddish hue on his cheeks.

Hm..interesting. I noted.

“I asked if you are engaged.”

He grabbed a towel and put it on top of his other hand. “No, I’m not.” He answered warily.

I blinked in surprise. “You do have a lover though, right?”

He furrowed his eyebrows. “What? No, I do not.”

I tilted my head. “Really?”

He raised his eyebrows at me. “Is it that surprising?”

I shrugged. “You are handsome and kind. I would be surprised if you never marry.”

Garreth coughed and turned away from me.

I noticed he was pouring alcohol onto his hand.

“Did you injure yourself?”

I stood and went by his side.

Garreth flinched as I came next to him. “Are you alright?”

He coughed again. “Yes, I’m fine. It’s still daylight. Why don’t you take a breather and sit out on the porch?”

His smile seemed forced and strained. He had a strange look in his eyes.

I nodded and went to the porch.

I pondered in thought. The look in his eyes was familiar. I have seen such a look before. But I couldn’t for the life of me remember where. It didn’t give me a bad feeling. It was just bizarre because I have never seen anyone look at me like that before. It was a look that made my face a bit warm and caused a flutter in my heart.

---

Two weeks later

We took a risk and went out into the village. We got mistaken as a married couple expecting.

We went along with it to avoid suspicion but lately I had certain thoughts.

Garreth is behaving a bit differently than usual.

He speaks more softly. He tends to stare at me when he thinks I don’t notice. He is being a bit more overprotective. Like this morning, he held my hand as he guided me down the front steps of the cabin. Three steps down.

I was able to recall the strange look in Garreth’s eyes. Nathan would have such a look when he was around Katherine. It was a look of fondness. Endearment. One might say affection.

I know I’m attractive. I take after my father. He was an attractive man whom I have seen many women have stare flirtatiously at my father when I was young. He would not pay them any mind. On the contrary, he’d become cold and blatantly ignore them. He was a faithful husband even if he wasn’t affectionate. That I can say was one of his best characteristics.

I never thought of men looking at me at such a way. The bastard king’s look towards me was perverse so he doesn’t count.

I sighed as I stared at the wind blowing at the trees. I was sitting out on the porch once again. Dwelling in these conflicting thoughts.

Does he fancy me?

“Who fancies who?”

My head snapped up. Garreth yawned before coming out of the house to stand on the porch with me.

“I-uh…” My heart thudded rapidly and my face burned slightly.

“What is it?” he asked while rubbing the sleep out from his eye. A lazy smile drew on his face along with that tender look in his eyes once again.

“Do you…. fancy me?” I hesitantly asked.

“…” He froze and his smile went away.

My eyes widened at his reaction. Time froze before he replied.

“I’m a royal knight of this kingdom. and you are a citizen of the other island. My duty is to get you back home with your family.”

He ignored my question. What a coward. I wanted to scoff.

“My family’s gone. There is no one waiting for me back home…” I bitterly replied.

He shook his head. “Either way… you should go back home. If the king happens to see you again, he will try to take you…”

“Yes, I’m aware of that fact.” I stood and gripped the railing of the porch.

I don’t want to talk about that bastard.

His hand covered mine and took it off the railing. My eyes widened as I watched him grab both of my hands and held them tenderly as if I was made of glass. “Bianca…I’m sorry” His emerald eyes glistened with regret and sadness in them.

I shook my head and gulped the lump in my throat. “I understand.” I said. But no. I did not understand. I was sure I felt nothing for him. I had no feelings for Garreth.

Then why does it feel like I was just rejected. A small voice spoke in the back of my mind.

---

The next few days seemed like we were walking around shards of glass. It was awkward and uncomfortable. The days were heavy and burdensome. I thought, things could not get any worse right?

---

It happened at the break of dawn.

It started with pain and cramps and more excruciating pain. Then the blood began to flow. And that was when Garreth ran out the door to send a message to the healer.

Garreth don’t leave me! I wanted to yelp from the cold hard floor.

He came back to carry me in his arms. “Garreth” I cried. “It’s alright. Everything will be fine.” He comforted me.

He placed me on the bed and held me until the healer came.

She came and apparently, she was guided by Garreth’s falcon to our cabin.

What a beautifully trained bird.

After what seemed like long hours, she was able to stabilize my condition. My physical condition. My mental condition on the other hand…

“I’m no longer pregnant.” I said from the confinements of my bed. The healer said I needed fluids and a lot of rest.

Garreth had just come in after seeing the healer out. His face was downcast. “Yes.” He acknowledged solemnly.

“Ha. This child is gone. I’m no longer linked to that bastard!” I started laughing hysterically.

His face became alarmed.

“Bianca…did you…did you purposely get rid of this child?” Garreth hesitantly asked. His voice was distraught.

“What?” I took note of his face. How dare! “No, of course not” I hugged myself defensively.

“Look me in the eye and tell me that you did not-” his voice became harsh.

I glared crystal daggers at him. “I didn’t kill this child! THIS child is gone! And I don’t know why, nor do I care why!”

“…but …this child is innocent. This child was yours…” Garreth took my hands gently.

Tears came flowing out like a stream from my eyes. “Do not think that I could easily forget how I came to have this child inside me…”

I yanked my hands away and hid under the covers. He remained quiet before I eventually heard him walk away.

Leaving me alone in this heavy load of despair.